I was stifling back giggles 5 minutes into this movie when Perseus’s disenfranchised father curses the gods because he can’t catch a damn fish. My dad doesn’t always have the best luck out on the lake either, but you don’t hear him cursing the sky with dramatic rhetorical one-liners. “One day, somebody’s gotta take a stand! One day, somebody’s gotta say, ‘enough’!”
And that brings me to what 2010′s Clash of the Titans has in common with country music. How, you ask, is Clash of the Titans like country music? Well, let’s preface with the fact I really don’t like country music. It’s boring, and to say it’s harmonically monotonous would be the understatement of the century. Clash of Titans main similarity to country music is that they both glorify the pedestrian day to day life of boring regular people to the point of insanity. Through 3/4 of this movie, poop-for-brains Perseus refuses to use his super-cool god given gifts, including a flying horse, because he “wants to fight as a man.” The sci-fi geek in me wanted to slap him the entire time. No idiot, don’t ride the flying horse . . . don’t fight the scorpions (rip off from the 1981 movie) with the magic sword . . . no, that would be too exciting. That would be logical writing. That would be something that would happen in a way better movie than this PoS.
Then they bring in the djinn . . . people who look like the sand people from Star Wars with Lincoln Log disease of the face. More playing fast and loose, epic fail at sense of credibility as the djinn are from Persian mythology, hello. Weak!
Overall, this movie is ponderous, leaden, and sad. At least the 1981 movie (with the horrible claymation effects) it badly ripped off had a sense of levity. There are a couple of times when Perseus orates his doomed troops with motivational speeches that made me want to hurl. The only part of this movie I didn’t have a problem with was Sam Worthington in his “Greek” miniskirt. That was a nice view.
